I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
