i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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