Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
