This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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