If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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