I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
