I just saw a hot homeless man
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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