Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
