filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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