Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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