so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
