I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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