theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize