why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
