my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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