Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is the high leading the old right now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
