A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
