I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
