ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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