but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
