you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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