I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
