we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
