dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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