so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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