I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
