you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
