Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
