my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
