That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize