Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
