if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
