I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
