You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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