obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
