the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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