I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
