How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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