I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
