Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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