in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
