he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize