Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
