Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
