Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
