She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Panties = found
Randomize
