This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
