Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
