Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize