Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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