Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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