Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
