Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
