I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
