it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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