I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
