If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
