I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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