it was like his penis was on wheels.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
