Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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