I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
