Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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