you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
