the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
