i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
