we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
