You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
