So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
