wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
