Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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