I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
