I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
