Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
