He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
