I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
