I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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