I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
