Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
