thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize