i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
