bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
