party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
