Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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