i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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