you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are a genius and a whore.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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