I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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