She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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