Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
