I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
