We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
only you would photoshop your dick
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
