So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need moral support for this bender
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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