she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
