Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
