If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
