I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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