I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
