Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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