idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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