I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
