"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
