how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
