I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
